Attend one or more of the Communication Department Presentations at Quest Day on Wednesday, April 17. Most of these presentations are located in Lanigan 104 and run from 8:30am to 2:00pm. Additional presentations are in Lanigan 107a at 3:15 and 3:30. Check the Quest brochure, which is currently available outside the CELT center in the library, but which should be generally available in Lanigan Hall and other places around campus on Wednesday, for details of what presentations are at what time. On one side of an index card indicate which presentation you attended and what you found interesting about it.
Conflict Management
orientations to conflict
lose-lose
if there is conflict, we both lose
negative: things build up because they never resolve
positive: somethings don't matter enough
win-lose
there is always a winner in conflict, and therefore a loser
if you fight, you fight to win
don't fight, because doing so risks loss
negative: a win is usually at the cost of the relationship
positive: sometimes not making a wrong decision really matters.
win-win
assumes both can gain
find a solution all can accept
a focus in dialog
a cultural norm in eastern cultures
negative: not all win-win solutions maximize preferences, and they sometimes aren't possible
positive: if it works, nobody is unhappy
Some responses to conflict
Active
Exit
Voice
Destructive
Constructive
Neglect
Loyalty
Passive
Conflict management styles
Non-confrontational
trying to avoid confrontation
tools
placating
distracting
detachment (computing)
withdrawing
surrendering
confrontational
assuming win-lose
elements of
blaming or scapegoating
threats and warnings
verbal aggressiveness
attacking the person
Cooperative
finding win-win solutions
approaches
focus on problems rather than people
focus on shared interests
generate many options that might solve the problem
Covert
Sabatoging
Passive Aggression
Games
highly patterned mutual behavior in which conflicts are hidden or denied
require cooperation, although it may be inadvertent or unintentional
examples
Blemish
NIGYYSOB (Now I've Got You, You SOB)
Mine is worse than yours (monopolizing)
Yes, but (asks for help, finds fault)
stages in conflict
Unproductive
Early
Not listening effectively
hard positions
lack of acknowledgment
cross complaining
Middle
frequent interruptions
more cross complaining
kitchen sinking
Late
counter-proposals
self-preoccupation/egocentrism
excessive meta-communication ("you stated it"; "no, you did")
Constructive
Early
recognition and acknowledgment
elaboration
clarification
Middle
agenda building - staying on focus
bracketing - deferring issues
effective listening
interrupts only for clarifications and to check perceptions
express counter concerns, but stay on focus
Late
contracting: negotiating a solution
Conflict Management Skills
Manage your emotions
Be aware of your anger and other emotions
Breathe: Take a break
Talk to a friend: Instant Messenger can be really good for:
talking to someone outside the situation
taking a little time to express
Try to understand your anger
What really happened?
Had something already happened?
Am I assuming something?
Make expression of emotions a conscious decision
Monitor your non-verbal messages
Plan your message
Negotiate an appropriate time and place to talk about conflict
Focus on the relationship rather than personalities
Look for ways to preserve the others "face"
Use "I" language to take ownership of your messages
Paraphrase to make sure the other knows they are being heard.
Try to put yourself in the others shoes
Exercise compassion: understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness
Avoid extremity
Focus on the issue rather than the person
They are likely to take even that personally
Avoid name-calling
Avoid cross-complaining, gunny-sacking, and kitchen sinking
"If you lose it, you lose."
Be an effective listener
Stop, Look, Listen, and Respond
Manage Information
Clearly describe the conflict-producing events
Be systematic
One issue at a time
If something else comes up, write it down so you can get to it later
If sequence is at issue
Write it down as a set of facts and rewrite it until you have agreement on what happened
If assumptions are a issue
Write them down
Come back to them as seperate issues
If goals are an issue
Write them down
Look for places where goals overlap or support each other
Look for ways in which they can do so
What is the problem anyway?
Define the problem.
Its amazing how often an argument is about different problems.
You may solve it simply by getting agreement on what it is.
Analyze the problem(s)
what goals and assumptions are we bringing to the problem
Generate multiple solutions
Brainstorming is a good approach here
Write everything down
Don't evaluate anything while you are generating ideas
What seems stupid may generate a better idea
Help you to get out side the box
Then
review ideas
pick what seems best
turn it into a plan of action
(iterate as necessary)
Be Assertive without being aggressive
You have to be heard
Everybody has to be heard
if you don't feel like you've been heard, no amount of discussion will fully resolve an issue
You also have to respect the rights of others
to be heard
to feel good about themselves
Five steps to effective assertiveness
Use "I" language to describe your view of the situation
Use "I" language to disclose your feelings about the situation
Identify effects associated with the situation
Wait. Silence gives people a chance to think and react.
Paraphrase. Make sure people know you've heard them.
Set aside time to think and talk
It is rarely the case that we have to have a fight at a particular moment in time
It is good to take time to think
about our goals and how they intersect with our relationship
about our assumptions and whether they are real
about what really matters to us
It is good to take time to talk
arguments aren't won with sound bites
they are won by
understanding each other
this means taking time to know each others goals
accepting each other
this means taking time to know each others assumptions
Unless otherwise noted, the contents of this page
were written by participants on the Media Space Wiki, operated by Davis Foulger,
and should be cited accordingly. For example (APA): Foulger, D. and other
participants. (August 27, 2008). Small Group Spring2006 Session22. MediaSpaceWiki. Retrieved on from
http://evolutionarymedia.com/wiki.htm?SmallGroupSpring2006Session22.
MediaSpace Wiki