- Potholes of the mind
- Holding back
- Being locked in a box
- Prematurely moving to action
- A focus on action can be a good thing
- But if the problem is mutual understanding, a rush to action may only make things worse
- The function of dialogue is understanding. Make sure understanding is in place before taking action.
- Listening without hearing
- Empathic listening is a solution, but making sure it happens is hard
- One solution is to make sure people paraphrase each other
- People appreciate being heard!
- Starting in different places.
- There are several stages on the path from raw information to informed judgement.
- When some people have been thinking about an issue for years and others for minutes, it can be hard to keep folks together.
- It can be worse when some participants don't want to face the issue at all.
- For tough issues, it can be a bit like the grief process. (Kubler-Ross, On Death and Dying, 1969)
- Only after acceptance can we begin to work towards solutions
- Scoring debating points
- Contrary to dialogue
- Again, patience and time generally prevail
- Can add value
- But can test patience and add time
- Having a pet preoccupation
- Examples: gender, race, political correctness, the oppressiveness of government regulations, the corruptness of campaign financing, and the varied sins of the media
- If people understand that their preoccupation is taken seriously, even if it is not agreed with, they will drop their focus on it.
- Aria singing
- Focusing on constituent interests instead of working with the concerns of other participants.
- General Solutions to the Potholes
- Individual training
- Facilitator education of the group
Stewart, 402-411, 415-427, 431-439, 442-448
- Messages that hurt
- Feeling hurt is a social phenomonon
- most of the time it comes from something said
- and most often something not meant the way we take it
- More common
- Informative messages
- also the hardest to defend against
- and often the most hurtful
- Less common
- Middle ground
- Expression of Desire
- Hurtful topics
- Romantic relationships and related behavior
- Appearance, Abilities, and Personality
- Group based stereotypes
- Messages are more hurtful when:
- the person matters to us
- we have trouble defending ourselves against the perceived hurt
- We can better control the hurt when:
- there is nothing we can do about whatever the complaint is (situational attribution)
- we can discount the speaker (personality attribution)
- Messages are more destructive to relationships when
- they are seen as intentional
- the relationship is close enough that a single message can be viewed as aberrent
|| -- Last edited September 18, 2015 |
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were written by participants on the Media Space Wiki, operated by Davis Foulger,
and should be cited accordingly. For example (APA):
Foulger, D. and other
participants. (September 18, 2015). Relationships And Communities Session Thirty One. MediaSpaceWiki. Retrieved on from
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